Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize