Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
