You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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