i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
...so i touched it.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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