We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
