So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
