Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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