I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
