Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
