It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
