my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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