Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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