6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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