p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
