I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
