once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
