If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
