Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
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come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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