I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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