going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
