**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize