So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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