is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
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I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize