dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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