Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
