you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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