Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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