so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
