I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
