Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
