just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
