Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
