Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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