4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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