we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
