some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
