dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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