Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize
