who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Sober January is a disaster.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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