he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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