the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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