How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
