Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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