His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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