I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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