Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
one two three fourrrrnication!
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
