She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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