He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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