i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
