My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
