What did we do last night that was yellow?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
