dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
