Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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