Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She's like a pop up book from hell.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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