the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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