Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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