Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My life is pants optional.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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