OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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