You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
