my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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