I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize