I hate all girls vehemently.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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