I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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