just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I checked into jail on foursquare
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
