You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
